Chocolate Chip Rubble

Ay! O_o! The chocolate chip cookies?! Just to be clear in my intentions? I do recall saying that I'm gonna tryyyyyyyyyyyyy to make cookies, right? So okay, now that we're all on the same page! When you say try, it leaves the door widddde open for either being successful or never baking again in your life! Jussssss thought I'd lay that solid foundation of justification before I tell you what's going on in my oven right now. I'm sitting, facing towards my kitchen window in an attempt to not even make eye contact with the epic failure that are my cookies! Or should I say, the cookie! All my blobs of mixture? Have now combined to form one giant square cookie! I'm kinda thinking that cookie might be overstating whatever that thing is. It looks like a...thin cake! A cake that hasn't done what it's supposed to do! And I've now knifed it and it's not even hard! O_O!

But in my defense? And I have one...just gimme a few minutes....hummmmmmm? It's coming to me! Very slowwwwwly! Feels like it's gonna be a grand defense too! Visions of grandeur, like my cookies were meant to be! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Got it! I'm a regional administrator! And they don't bake for a living. They calculate things!

Yessssss! Yes! I'm blogging while baking, I'm blaking! Badly! So by the time you read this, it would seem as if I'm blaking at 9pm or something but, no. This is my future post about my past failure!

So the first batch? Got a bit possessive! Like fatal attraction. Point blank refussssed to release its grip on the tray! Tyler was like, "Let's give it two minutes to get over itself!". Haaaaaaahahhahaaha! We did that! IT, didn't! Took me back in time, to the old flat! When we were removing the marley tiles before we installed ceramic tiles. So picture that square, flat metal thing, being dug under the marley tiles to lift them! That's how we got the first batch out! Sadly? The second batch too! Except the marley tiles didn't crumb into a million different little pieces and waste an entire slab of whole nut chocolate! That's the actual crime in all of this! Now? Picture the rubble after a natural disaster! That's what my chocolate chip cookies looked like! They really should be ashamed of themselves!

I named this batch. A failure of such paramount proportions deserves to have a name! Paramount things always have a name. I know that from hurricanes! And I'm giving like that, so I gave it a name! Randyl came into the kitchen and asked, "What is this?!?" Lindsie was bent over laughing! I said, "That?! Is 'After the Earthquake'!" So, if anyone is planning a themed party to that effect? I'm your girl for the cookies! I loved the way Tyler forced the rubble down Randyl and Lindsie's throats! That was just genius! She was like, "Your'll wanted the cookies! Now eat this! Have some water! There you go! Now eat some more!"
If anyone needs a "Force bad baking results down people's throats", Tyler's your girl for that! So, if anyone is planning a themed party to THAT effect? Tyler Tyler Tyler!

The third and last batch! I just took everydamnthing that was left in the bowl? And emptied it into the tray and let it do whatever it wanted! Some of it baked, some of it didn't, I didn't care anymore. Wasn't listening to me anyway! You can only talk to cookie mixture so many times before you give up! Whether or not it chooses to use what you've taught it when it's out there in the oven? That's on IT! You can only trust thereafter, that you did enough!

MannnnnN, I pictured this ending so, sohhhhh differently! I had such high hopes! It was the recipe's fault! It said if I followed instructions, I'd end up eating what was in the picture! And I believed it! Like a gullible fool! Okay, it said put a teaspoon of mixture, not a heaped half a tablespoon, but still! I followed the measurements in the mixture to the T! Least I wasn't like Randyl, who, if the recipe calls for three eggs and she only has one, she's like (Shrugs shoulders), "Hey! One's good enough!"
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