And see? You think someone's done something to realllllly piss me off, don't you? On the contrary, I'm giggling because I'm reflecting on how funny that statement truly is. Unless you've been home-schooled in a rainy desert? You know that its most common use is to start off a rant, right?! Think about it. You're all riled up. Fisting your hands. Cracking your fillings from grinding your teeth then getting even more angry once you realize that your medical aid for the current year has run out. Trying to show your anger and conviction where? Alllll you're doing is stating the obvious! And the obvious is, today IS today! For today by any other name will not be tomorrow.
Let's follow the little tweeting bird and see where it leads us...ahhhhhhhhhhh! Right to Scenario's house! I was just saying to myself, "It's been a while since I saw her!" I must have said it loud, to myself. Even birds heard me! Awwwww and look?
It's Scenario's first born...shhhhhh, she's trying to tell us something.
If you open with, "ToDay, is todaY! I'm putting my foot DowN!" Coupled with a snarling set of freshly flared nostrils? Ay, you're just leaving the door wide open for a witty, cool, comeback..."But? You're standing? Which means your foot IS dow..." If you are the wrong-doer? You're not going to be able to finish your sentence because frustration and possible flying crockery could follow...your head, soaring through mid-air to the tune of, "YouuuuuuW-a!!" Caps are for emphasis! And the "a" at the end is an absolute given! It shows that the angered party is at a total loss for words and they're about to drive to the police station to pay a grievous bodily harm fine in advance! Even as we imagine this, you gotta say it right, emphasize every capital letters or else you lose the intention. The result of THIS option, is a higher chance of violent outburst, by you, due to unwelcomed wit. And a rise in expenses from having to replace the crockery.
Hmmmmmmpf! Its as if we came here to visit Scenario's kids, 'cause now the second one is trying to talk.....
Now? Another no-no is ranting in small letters! 'Cause then you just sound high. "...today is today i'm putting my foot down..." You don't want that because the offender might think that you've been smoking something and give you this shrugged shouldered response, "...okay." Plus, your body gets all confused wondering, "wtf? why do I feel my temperature rising yet I have this strong urge to smile pleasantly??? What have I been smoking?" What's worst is that the all-weekend funeral attendee might still be under the impression that there's room for, "Starving! Did you cook?" To which you would calmly and ineffectively say, "i'm gonna cook your ass." More shoulder shrugging. The result of THIS option, is a possible surprise visit to rehab, for you, due to a far tooooooo laid back approach to anger. And your body convulsing in confusion.
I've told Scenario 1 and 2 to go to their room.....! I'm taking over the conversation.
It would grab someone's attention more if you just got straight into it like this, "ToDay! I'm gonna IRON your cloTHing!" First reaction? Frown and look around. And only because they know they should be in trouble for coming home at 2.18am on Sunday morning from a funeral that was held on Friday! When they see nobody behind or to the side of them? They'll start smiling and tilting their head to the left, gazing at you with heart-shaped eyes, thinking about how blessed they are to have such a forgiving and understanding partner like you and THEN? Once you see that adoring gaze? You immediately finish your sentence with, "While you're wearing them!!!!" If you EVER wanted to know what a blackboard duster felt like? This would be your chance because in that moment? You ARE the duster! I hope you don't get sinus. And their smile? Is the chalk that WAS on the blackboard! Gonnnnnnnne!
Let me just state, categorically ofcourse! Always wanted to say that! I have alwayyyys wanted to state something categorically and I never got the chance before now. You know you're good when you create your own opportunities! I am in no way encouraging violence or the incorrect way of ironing. Because I stand for peace. World peace. Like a beauty pageant contestant who uses those two words to answer any and every question they're asked!
"What is your biggest aspiration?"
"World peace!" Smillllllllle!
"What was your major in college?"
Grin, "World peace!"
"What is it about fashion that you love the most?"
Gulp! Nervous twitch, "W-world peace?" (But thinking...'World peace your moTHer, when I get that damn pageant trainer, I'm gonna fold him up like a pretZeL! He didn't prepare me for deep questions like THis!!')
So nope, I'm not promoting violence at all. Makes me wanna puke just thinking about the sound that it makes when someone's being punched. And that's the God's honest truth! I'm just merely teaching you how to express yourself WITH WORDS so that you get the desired result. Which is not the infliction of pain. It's peace in the world! As well as within yourself! 'Cause if you keep all that anger in? It will give you wind. For real! You know? It makes me feel self-conscious when you look at me all empty-eyed and blinking! For reallllllll!?!
Okayyy, okay! I admit that I haven't actually SEEN documented proof of that yet but look? I figure. And this is just my personal take on it. I figure that swallowing your words, is the same as chewing your bubblegum. Even someone else's. It makes your brain think that you're eating and then your brain fills your stomach with non-existent food. Uhhhh, is...is your stomach hurting right now? No? Oh...oh, you're just laughing at me! My facial expression remains unchanged as I give you a minute to compose yourself ............................................................, 60 dots equals one minute! Okay, continuing...!
And non existent food is actually just oxygen. And oxygen is air. And wind is just angry air! Do you see the connection? Angry. Air. Wind? I have now, documented the proof! With logic and an unchanged facial expression!
Not to worry. You'll get it once you stop holding your stomach and stand up straight...and change your facial expression!
My work here is done!
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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