Went to my niece's baby shower yesterday. Yeah, yeah, you can say it. People are getting married and having babies left, right and centre in my family! We should be at a head count of a thousand by now. That's what happens when your granny starts off having eleven children and blames the fact that they had no TV. Then goes on to close the justification process by saying, "We HAD to find something else to do to pass the time!" FUN FACT? You can only use that one for as long as we don't know what the word, horny, means, so...BUSTED! And I sang that word in capital letters in a high lingering tone!
By the way, has anyone seen a uterus running around? Or lying still? Somewhere? We just wanna do a quick check before we put my aunts missing one on a milk carton? Inbox me, please? And thank you, in advance for any leads you might give us.
My cousin has three breasts. Thank goodness, he's not a she! Heyyyy, I got it! Maybe the third one is my aunt uterus? Lemme jusssss....write that down. I need to remember to ask him if there's anything he'd like to get off his chest.
Thing is? She went to the hospital some weeks ago for pain in her abdomen and they did a scan. They put gel, looked, put gel, looked, put gel, looked, finished the gel, and still nothing? I'm sad to report that her uterus is officially lost. At the shower yesterday, Ali felt her arms and back and everything for any strange lumps? Not there. We even kept our eyes peeled, driving home from the shower.
She was telling us that after the search to locate it via ultrasound failed? She got all frantic, asking the nurse, "Where's my uterus? Where's my uterus?!" And she simply told her, "Look? Let's not worry about that right now. Let's rather see to what you came here for?" O_O! I was still looking at her, laughing, like this, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha! And feeling cold! Thinking she was gonna say the nurse was just making a little jokey-joke to take her mind off her runaway uterus, but that was IT. That's bad. That is badddd! If anyone SHOULD give a damn about a persons missing organs? It's a nurse! Could be that she was having a bad day and was probably thinking, "Pfffffft! Last 15 minutes of this shitty shift? Plus now I gotta walk alllllll the way to the shitty storeroom for more shitty gel? You still tryna send ME on a shitty uterus hunt? Not. Gonna. Happen! Sheeeittttt! Best I can do is let you know if I happen upon it on my shitty way there and back!"
Doc eventually diagnosed Aunty with gallstones. I should have been an investigator 'cause immediately, I started coming up with theories! I'm thinking, it got tired of just sitting there, bored, and needed a change of scenery so it carefully planned its escape and that it was actually pieces of her uterus PRETENDING to be gallstones. They're pretty smart, those things! I wouldn't be shocked! I wouldn't! They are almost single-handedly responsible for the existence of both the human race and some of the animal race! The mammalistic ones.
And you're free to argue, but only if you're holding her uterus in your hand. Other than that, my theory goes. Uhmmmm-m! That's my story and I'm sticking to it. And like a good investigator should, I'm sticking to my second theory too. Unlike my aunts uterus that got unstuck from wherever it's normally stuck to and somehow, mayyyyyyyyyyybe, is disguising itself as my cousins third breast?
Quick question? Do men have breasts? Doesn't sound right to say it like that but if I just say chest, then it sounds like he has three chests! Ag, I'm just gonna go with what normally has a nipple until I'm given the correct term. I could just google it but? I don't want to. 'Cause I'm on diet! I'm not sure when last she saw it because we were still young, the first time I found out about his unique chest. So this might very well be one of those 30 year old cold case situations.
Just thinking.....my heart and stomach organs are on the opposite side of my body and I have a 34 year old lump on my forehead? Cuz has three breasts or man-chest-things or whateveryouwannacallit? Aunt's uterus performed its own rendition of Prison Break? Randyl's deeper dimple was given to her by a door? Summer was born with red streaks in her black hair? My sister transformed into public transport while she slept. Repeatedly! Wendy falls UP stairs? Repeatedly too! Sunshine only sweats on one side of his face?
Is it me or is something seeming a bit off with this picture?
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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