Annnnd I'm back! My nieces wedding yesterday prevented me from coming up on here and blogging but that's okay. I won't hold that against her! It would be rude since she fed me and clothed me. Well no she didn't actually clothe me but she did give me a reason to get a new outfit! I had absolutely NOTHING to wear. When they heard that I had a wedding to attend, all the clothes in my closet disappeared, or hid themselves, except for one set of underwear and heels. That show of loyalty brought tears to my eyes! Or was it the pain of my feet in those heels? I think they were bullied by my underwear to stay and decided to take their displeasure out on me yesterday!
Not wanting to wear the same outfit twice is not about pretending to be royalty or it simply being against the fashion law to wear what you already have. It's about the joy that buying a new outfit brings. Women are so uncomplicated. We're such simple creatures. Pieces of coloured cloth brings us joy. Geese feels the same way...almost! A piece of Coloured brings him joy too. The part I really hate about buying a new outfit though is having to pay for it. I wish they'd remove that negative part of the exchange. Imagine being able to walk into a store and when you find that one outfit that just "speaks to you"? They only speak to women, I've never heard a man talk about having a conversation with clothing! Then you could just take pick it up and take it home. Like a stray dog. Ahhhhhhhhhh...the sun shines brighter just fantasizing about that!
I don't pick up stray dogs, though. One Christmas day, my nieces and my daughter found a stray dog while we were at my grans. It looked sick and forsaken and bedraggled and was wrapped in woman's underwear. Maybe it was an male underwear model and was traumatized by having to sport granny panties. You would too if you were being forced to be a drag queen. Those kinds of decisions should be your own! So it ran. Fast. To a residential area. Where our kids could find it. On Christmas Day! Sneaky bastard! Even he knew that 'tis was the season of giving...or taking... stray-granny-panty-wearing-male-underwear-model dogs home!
And was it Christmas Day? Could have been Ma's birthday. Or Mother's Day? Forgive my lack of being able to distinguish between the three, since Ma's birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas Day look like triplets. Identical and impossible to tell apart! It's disturbing, the similarities! Small house, 6-seater lounge suite, 50 odd people trying to sit on them all at once, camera flashes, random mayhem, needing to go to the bathroom, scared to lose your seat, holding in your pee, bladder infections. The doctor knew. "So? Pain in your lower abdomen? Frequent bathroom visits? Burning sensation when you urinate? Hmmmmmmm...You guys were over at your grans this weekend, huh?! Here, take these and you should be fine 'til the next visit!" Either way, doggy spent the rest of his day surrounded by family he didn't know from a bar of blue soap and all was right with his little world again. He now lives pantyless in a mansion on Beach Road and is in full health thanks to Leigh! They should make a movie...Pretty Dog. Same story, different species! Vivian Ward's probably also living pantyless in a mansion right now. We'll have to wait for Pretty Woman: The Pantyless Afterlife, to know for sure!
MUST I really be watching the 60th Anniversary of the Queen's crowning right now? My first attempt omitted the "n"...I'd hope she hasn't been crowing for 60 years. Talk about laryngitis! Yawwwwwwwwwn! My mother always finds new and exciting ways to torture me. And I take it simply because I am a good daughter. And I'm afraid of hell. Although I feel like I'm in TV hell right now. Then she says: "Nobody's ever tried to assassinate the queen huh?" Not, "What a wonderful ceremony!" or "Doesn't she look spunky in her old age?" I mean? Is that even like a normal thought anyone should be having on the Sabbath? Watching a celebratory event? I don't even know why I'm even looking at the TV. It's just encouraging her. Now she switched the channel. People are running some race and someone's talking about not getting government funding but they're persevering nevertheless. What has that got to do with a race? I guess I'll never know since the channel's been switched A-GAINNN! Al Gore didn't even finish his sentence, the poor thing, before she switched it again! She was not receiving that Global Warming story. The queen on a boat is more important. Annnnnnnnnd there ya go? Back to the queen waving from a boat now! Somebody rescue me? Please? OMG! O_o! Now she's telling me about Kylie Minogue wanting to have a competition in honour of this event with Kate Middelton's sister Pipa for whose ass is better. I'm now going to post this and then force my eyes shut.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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