Destination? Chocolate!

I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Lemme tell you? I do NOT wanna set eyes on another chicken! Or its offspring for a long, lonnnnnnnnnnnng time to come! I've consumed entire generations of the feathered creatures over these past two weeks! The food chain? Not the same anymore! Enough is enough! No fish! No carrots! Nnnnnnnnnn, maybe carrots. No coffee! And certainly not, boiled spinach! I've been governed by a tabled menu and a list of do's and do not's for thirteen very long, sugar-free days, but no more! Nobody governs me! I have rights! I'm a person! I have feelings! And sugary needs! Dammmit! I'm also flying off on an unnecessary tangent. For no reason! That's why I said....unnecessary! It means, for nohhhh apparent reason!

But I feel very strongly that it IS apparent! I'm sick of chicken and eggs! What came first? The chicken or the egg? In my case, it was the chicken! 'Cause I had it for dinner on Day 1 and I had eggs for dinner on Day 13! And in all honesty, I think God made the Chicken first, to lay the egg and show us how chickens work! Else he would have made a womb that just floated around for nine months and then burst, without warning, 'cause there would nobody AROUND it to scream from contractions? And a baby would have simply fallen out that grew up to be Eve! Logic prevails! I have now quickly and easily solved the chicken or the egg saga that's been plaguing generation after generation after generation!

And my explanation for the whole unnecessary thing wasn't another lesson. I make a note to take the weekends off from those. It was merely a way for you to see that I have a firm grip on the language of which I speak! Shakespeare is the one who didn't know what he was talking about! Not me! Who says, "Where For Art Thou?" Someone who's trying to make your English class a living hell, that's who! "Where are you?" There! Now, who would YOU rather have as the author of the book that you're studying in English class? Me or Shakespeare? He wrote Confusenglish! There's a huggggge difference so don't choose him. You're just gonna hurt my feelings and when my feelings are hurt, I react. With sadness. And cry. And just as a closing to my argument, and as an anchor to get you to choose me? I've never once said to my boss, "Why cometh you into mine office whilst I attempteth to completeth this here task!" Know what I mean?

I know too, that you're dying to hear how things have gone with my reward today? I'm still mad at the sun. I had big plans and it stood me up, ONCE A-GAIN!! This whole situation has urged me to pass on some good advice! Don't ever date the sun because I can tell you right now! Unnnnnn-re-liable! You will find yourself in a very dark place. Feeling cold! Without melted chocolate! I was tempted to put the slab in the microwave but the foil wrapping would have made it start lightning in there! Weather was bad enough as it is, I didn't need it to start storming inside too. All I was trying to do was enjoy my chocolate the way I wanted to. Not be less one very vital appliance! So, I ate six fully formed pieces, and was like, "Uuuuuurgh! Sun! You're just a reward ruiner! Never will I sing your praises again!!" I will but shhhhhhh, I don't want it to hear that. Guilt is a deserving punishment for right now!

Too all of you, who've journeyed on my diet bus with me! Thank you very much for not hurling rotten tomatoes at me from boredom of my diet stories! And to Debbie and everyone else who've decided to do this diet, my faithful reader Debbie! Good luck to you as you venture down the same path I just did! Promise you this! You shall emerge...the thinner, person!
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