Sweet Revenge

The sun has deserted me.  It’s one of my favourite things in the world and it has chosen not to show up on the last day of my diet!  Shame on it!  Brings back bad memories of the night I got Baptised.  

But fine.  Finnnnne, I’ll take my victorious steps out of the dark, dieting tunnel, on my own.  Thank you very much, you big yellow ball, you!  Don’t be showing up when I’m eating my chocolate like, “Ahh please gimme some, God said share?”  because I shan’t!  I shall turn by back towards you while I keep the wrapper strategically attached to my mouth!  And I will do it thinner.  Not like a twig, thin.  Just the way I wanted, thin! 

Guess what my last meal will be tonight? 

Nope!......................Huh-uh!...........SMH!  Okay, you’re not trying very hard, are you?  And you shouldn’t even need to.  You could’ve cheated and looked at my blog titled, Dietary Requirements and just pretended to be a good guesser!  Must I teach you guys evvverything?  Short cuts on a Friday!  Short.  Cuts.  On.  A.  Friday …there you go, Lesson No. 1!.......O_o……..

What is it?  You’re looking at me like you’re expecting more?  I expected more from the sun today too!  The hothead had better places to shine!  So now!?  We can either be disappointed that our expectations were unfulfilled?  Orrrrrrr we can all laugh at Wendy and Linds who still have a day of dieting to go! 

Shit!?  I never said that. 

I did, but I didn’t mean it. 

Okay, I did.  But I didn’t mean it in a coy, nasty kinda way.  Since we have been pillars of strength for each other throughout this diet, I meant it in a family love and support way.  Like, “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!”  See?  Couldn’t you just feel the love and support oozing out of those h’s and a’s?  I’m warmer already.  Love does that to you, you know! 

And Linds?  This is your mums fault because she hurt my feelings, together with my tastebuds, when I had spinach for lunch that first day and she told me she was going to have cake.  My hair follicles tightened in envy!  I ached!  The threads of my hair ached from being choked like that…for a few minutes before I willed my body to sleep.  And why?  Because I wanted cake.  Plus I was under the impression that we were suffering together up that point!  

But it opened my eyes, I telya!  Actually, it closed them ‘cause it forced me to sleep.  Closed my eyes to the fact that I shall have my revenge…and tomorrow?  Revenge shall be verrrrrrrrrry sweet, indeed!  

Wouldn’t it be funny though?  If I forgot my chocolate here in my drawer?  Having alllll of this mouth?  Only to find that the only thing I have to eat are my words?  I’ll belt my damself!  For real!