Emergency Lane Anyone?!

Aside from feeling as though I was high?  Cracked lips tingling and all!  Day 2 went off without a hitch.  I literally floated through it.  I feel lighter already!  No, I don't.  When on diet?  Spur yourself on with lies.  It works.  I don't know whose turn it is to drive today?  Where am I?!  Oh yeah.  In the kitchen staring at two eggs boiling.  The ham and I?  Last night.  Had a staring competition too.  After I’d eaten about five slices in the kitchen?  I walked to the lounge, took my saucer of ham, set it on the table.  Walked back to the kitchen, took my saucer of ham, set it on the counter.  Walked back to the lounge, took my saucer of ham, set it on the table.  I sat down on the two-seater couch.  Turned to the saucer.  Raised my one eyebrow.  It retaliated by just lying there.  On the saucer.  Looking hammish.  There's just so much ham you can eat 'til you start feeling like a pig.  An unhappy salty pig full of ham.  I'm not tryna feel like anything other than a slender giraffe right now.  That ham had to go.  So I ate it, and when it came down to the last two slices?  I walked away.  Strutted off like the slender giraffe I aspire to be.  And now, our diet bus has turned the corner into Day 3! 

Laterrrrr that morning…..

Did you feel the suspense in that?  I was like, “Laterrrrr that morning…”  My fingers typed that in that deep, suspensy, movie voice.  What would the world be like if our fingers could talk?  Do you think they would all have the same pitch or would your baby finger have like a very squeaky child-like tone?  Annnnd, found out whose turn it was to drive.  Mine. 

I need some help.  Can someone tell me who takes an emergency lane off of a freeway to make space for a taxi/bus lane?  Before the World Cup in 2010, we had an emergency lane.  My thought on the emergency lane was that it was for emergencies.  Did you think the same thing?  So you could be confident that when your tyre rolled off or your vehicle caught on fire, you’d just veer off the fast lane and shimmy on over to the emergency lane.  Traffic would be only affected for as long as it took for you to shimmy on over.  Unless?!?!?!  Other cars caught on fire and it was your cars fault.  It would take a little longer then.  And there would be a lot of finger pointing. 

But now?  We don’t have an emergency lane.  For a bicycle?  YES!  A bicycle could fit in that little space between the yellow line and plants and barrier thing on the side of the freeway!  But ofcourse, bicycles are not allowed on the freeway.  So that’s a waste.  You’re just allowed to run across it.  And then wonder why you’re now able to see seventy metre’s down from where your starting line was and your legs are still running, on their own on the other side of the freeway.  “Because that car just came out of nowhere and I was running, across the freeway…it didn’t even stop!  It saw me.  Now I lost my socks.  ‘Cause they were on my legs.”  I’m sorry but if bicycles are not allowed to run, spin, wheel or whatever on the freeway, where the cars are free to drive without worrying about a stop street coming up or a traffic light, you should not be on the freeway trying to cross it.  That’s what they built the bridges for.  Let’s allllllll sing, “If you’re lazy and you know it, clap your hands!”  Meanwhile, where’s the laziness when you’ve lifted a big boulder, walked up the stairs of the bridge and waited.  Patiently.  Lifted it again?  And threw it over onto the car driving underneath it?  Ran back down the stairs of the bridge…and robbed the person?  Ohhhhhhhh, okay…you were feeling frisky that day, okay.  We all understand now.

I got a little carried away there, so let’s get back to the fact that if your car breaks down, you have to fix it in the lane that it broke down in!  That’s why the freeway was backed up today.  A taxi, those $#@&^ taxis!  It broke down.  So up to that point, we were short a lane.  I was singing.  I didn’t care.  My toes cared because they got numb from having to change gears from two to one, one to two, two to one for about thirty minutes!  

Normally you see the thirty passengers and three goats standing around outside the broken down taxi.  Worn and worried.  Frown lines deeper than Randyl’s door given dimple, because they’re gonna be late for work, or goat farming or something?  Some take a smoke break and rightfully so.  Others start thumbing a ride from passing cars….LOL!  Noooooh, they don’t.  And I only saw one picture a few years back where there were goats and people came out of a taxi.  Wait, I’m going to see if I can find that pic and post it….here you go....

This morning though, I think all of the passengers ran to work.  One or two may have rode the goats but there was nobody but the conductor and the driver trying to fix…something.